The Eye of the Tiger

I think Survivor said it best:

“It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the cream of the fight
Risin’ up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he’s watchin’ us all in the eye of the tiger”

Check this piece of awesomeness out.
It’s a TIGER and it’s a TEAPOT!
What but how can that be? You ask.
It’s true. It holds 3 cups of liquid and then you can pour it out of the tigers paw.
How freaking cool is that!
My god, amazing. Now all you have to do is be like Rocky Balboa and beat out that rival Russian who wants your TIGER TEAPOT. Then you can run up those stairs and raise your Tiger Trophy to the sky and sit down and have tea at 4. Hopefully you can go 10 Rounds. Good luck champ!

I will meet you in Park Slope Wednesday the 18th or Friday the 20th.


Subject: TEAPOT

hey i really want the teapot, but i can only meet up in queens, is that possible?
Please let me know-***-***-****. Thank you.

(Queens? I’m sorry am I going to the airport? I do not go to Queens unless you are flying me on some tropical adventure where I can see actual big cats. And yes I know tigers don’t live in tropical areas but that’s where I want to go. I will settle for seeing a Puma or an Ocelot or something.)


Subject: yo Adrian

lemme get that tiger pouring thing, eh?



(Oh, now we’re getting somewhere. And I think I would like to begin signing all my correspondences with Cheesesteaks, I thank you for that.)

Subject: Tiger

I can’t pick up the Tiger but I just wanted to say that that is the funniest, and the best ad I’ve read in a very long time. Kudos to whoever came up with the concept. you should be in marketing kidding. I really enjoyed your ad. Good luck with ” The Eye of The Tiger”


(Well make me an offer that I can’t refuse then buddy. You got a job for me?)


Subject: The Eye of the Tiger

My wife loves it Please call me
(***) ***-****
Thanks !

(If your wife wants it that bad she can write me herself. Maybe she’ll be better at it.)


Subject: The Eye of the Tiger

im interested in the eye of the tiger awesomeness if its available.


(It’s true it is awesome.)

Subject: Tiger Teapot

Oh my god.

you must be a crazy person to be giving that thing away…

its like giving away a bag of american flags to a terrorist or sumthin like that.

I wish to have it so that I may present it to my girlfriend for being a crazy tiger.

she will love it!

Next fri is best for me,  lwmmw knoq.

– A

(Ohhhh yes I think you are the one! This made me laugh actually out loud. Like for real LOL. And it’s true I probably would give away a bag of American Flags but I would make people write something funny about why they want them and stuff and patriotism would not be the winner.)


Subject: The Eye of the Tiger
Are you seriously giving this away??  I’ll take it.


(Seriously, I am. And no, you won’t)


Subject: Tiger
I think the TIGER TEAPOT is great.  I would love to take care of the tiger if I managed to beat out the rival.  I could meet you on Wed. the 18th.

Thank you,

RS – home – ***-***-****

I would need to arrange Access A Ride at least by the day before the pick up.

(Oh dear, I have a soft spot for the elderly and the disabled but I’m just not feeling this one. Plus it sounds like it would be too much trouble to get to me and then I would want to go bring it to her directly because I would feel bad and I just don’t have time for that, maybe next time when I have a macramé owl or something to give away she could have that.)


Subject: Eye of the Tiger
Stripeed tea, tiger purrs,

Tea-thank you,


(Almost a haiku? I liked it none the less.)


Subject: Tiger
I would LOVE this Tiger


(Would you?)


Subject: Tiger


Your description was awesome!!! If this is Free & is still available, I would
love to have it…Wednesday, you name the time & place…Thanks!


(I will name the time and place but alas I will not be telling when and where that is.)

Subject: Eye of the Tiger
I am interested in your tea pot if it’s still available. I could meet you either the 18th or the 20th.

(Oh good, another person with a life of leisure like myself? I don’t think so! I want my tiger to go to a home where that person has a job so they can put fancy tea in this tiger.)


Subject: Grrrreat
Oh, how I love tigers! Im available for p/u anytime on Friday, let me know what time works best for you.
Thanks alot,
(I will be napping most of the day so how about after that?)


Subject: Eye of the Tiger
Is it still available?

Please say it is!




(Yes. There I said it.)


Subject: Eye of the Tiger
Oh my oh my I hope it’s not yet taken!
I can pick it up ASAP! 🙂 i live in windsor terrace!
let me know! thanks!


(So many exclamation points!!!!)


Subject: Tiger
I want this

I want it bad

Let me know


(Enthusiasm is always appreciated. But not always rewarded.)


Subject: Tiger

Your tiger is so frickin’ awesome!  I would love to have that, as I’m
sure it’s a great conversation starter or maintainer… But wow, I
just fell in love with that little tiger’s face and the fact that
liquid comes out of the paw… Just tell me a time you’re available
and I’d love to come pick it up!

(Ok you don’t suck. And you seem to have trouble in social situations and you could use my tigers assistance. I will put you in the runner up category.)

id like to pick it up on Wednesday!!!

(Oops. Wednesday has come and gone. So sad for you.)


Subject: YO
Yo Paulie!

Think I got a shot at that tiger pot yo?

Well, after your sister Adrienne and me went da zoo, I was kinda inspired. My place ain’t all dat nice but dat tea pot brings some real class you know???

Sure, I can meet you on Wed or Fri – don’t bother me none 😉

(Funny. I gives you a maybe, sport.)


Subject: Tiger
Did someone already claim this teapot?


(Not exactly, no.)


Subject: rawr
I want that teapot!  =D

This Wednesday in Park Slope would be great (I’m on 5th st and 4th ave.)

“A little less conversation, a little more action please.” – Elvis Presley

(Nope. But as soon as I get my hands on a Elvis clock with swinging hips it’s all yours.)


Subject: I canz has tigr pot

Iz a lil’ tigr pot

short & stoutz

grab me by teh tailz

but mai snout’s not mai spoutz

Cuz if u tip me ovr,

mai paw pours teh tea outz!

o plz o pls–i can haz?!

tigr tea potz for meeeez!


(You rhymez better than Dr. Seuss and he is one of my all time favorites. I mean snout and stout and spout.  I putz you on the short list because I like rhymes.)


Subject: Tiger Tea Pot

It is true that I was raised by a cat named Corduroy Kitten, and that he often spoke to me in the most stylish and grammatically creative sentences I have ever heard. It is also true that as an infant I rejected a bottle full of anything but Earl Grey tea, half a teaspoon of sugar. These are not, however, the reasons I must have the tiger teapot. The reason I must have the tiger teapot is a much more fantastical story, and shall follow in the next several lines.

When I was just six years old, I dreamt of a tiger who spoke only in rhyme. I encountered him under a Wollemi pine tree while collecting beechnuts one fine whirligigerous afternoon.

His words will forever stay in my head:

I had a child of the wood

Gracious she stood

In ferocious delight

Of the most dangerous night

A wild beast on her did spy

A plan hatched to steal her cry

And although she climbed high

It was not within her to fly

A tiger of the wood, she was

Gone that day to a most evil beast

Remorseless, no heart in the least

And so I lost her, my tiger of the wood

But you I shall adopt

Since in the wood you have stopped

Of my selfishness I am aware

But I own this wooded land

And my will you shall bear

So now my child, stand

My tiger daughter you shall be

Now come inside

And have some tea


So now you see why I must have the tiger teapot, as the adopted daughter of a mother tiger. In her manner of speaking I will explain myself one more time:

The tiger teapot I must exclusively own

Since out of the woods I was thrown

With memories only of my tiger mother’s tea

I beg you please

To bring it to me

(And so we have a clear winner, the effort, the content, the poetry and so we met on a sunny Saturday afternoon and she’s charming and so like a tiger, impulsive, vivacious, and dynamic. This tiger tea pot will live happily ever after with the girl raised by tigers. Enjoy Tiger Girl!)


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